if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
