i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
