i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
