She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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