I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
