is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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