Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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