Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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