i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your penis caused this!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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