He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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