im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
