I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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