I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
