omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
