I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
