Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
