I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
