Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
