dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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