I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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