She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
