I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
