a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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