Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just had sex bonerless
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
