My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
