If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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