I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
