Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
