Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
