u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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