Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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