and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
