enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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