She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
