Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
