Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
