So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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