So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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