he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
