omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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