you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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