is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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