So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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