I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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