When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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