Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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