Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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