So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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