The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
