Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
