Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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