Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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