You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
