I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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