I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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