Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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