Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
