Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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