Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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