Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
