I puked a lego.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
