btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
the liver wants what the liver wants
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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