hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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