i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
