So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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