I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
