This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
