You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
