my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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