At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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