I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
