I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize