The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
