Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize