he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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