Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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