I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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