some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
