Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
