For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i need some magic done to my vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
