plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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