Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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