once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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