She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
