I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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