I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
