1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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