I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
