U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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